i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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