WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
