I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
