ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
