Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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