This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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