Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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