she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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