She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
