ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
