I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
