You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
