Where is the hickey?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
