i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
