You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
