She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is Oprah even human
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
