why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a search helicopter?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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