Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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