So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
