Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
God, I missed his penis.
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