She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
