At least make sure they are 18
Why
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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