Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
