Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
