He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
