She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize