Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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