At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
