He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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