I just threw up on my dentist
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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