I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
