Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
