1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I deserve this hangover.
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