hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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