Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
