So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
