I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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