my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
