Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
