I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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