One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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