I smell stomach acid.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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