This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
