If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
