The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
