Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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