My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
