i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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