Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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