She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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