Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
