I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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