wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
