2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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