i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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