alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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