I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
