I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
