i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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