If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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