Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
