Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
