A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Couch. On fire.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
