i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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