She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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