I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
