Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
