Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
