She announced her abortion via fbk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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