why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
