3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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