In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
