well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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